I did it!!

The night before my last chemo I was in a high state of anxiety and had a nightmare that they gave me the wrong bag of chemo, then the line came out and they couldn't get it back in, then there was a gas emergency in town and the day ward was swamped with people unable to breathe and I couldn't find a chair to sit down on. So it was a great surprize that the line went in first pop, and all the chemo went in at quite a high rate, I got the lunch I ordered and was feeling good when Dawn dropped me home and made me a cuppa. I said goodbye to Patsy and Annette and said - in the nicest possible way that I hope I never see them again. I had given them so much cheek (a bit like my Dad) that I think they might have been pleased to see the back of me.
I noticed in the Listener a quote from a Dr David Agus "We talk about cancer as a noun, as if it is a one-time event. But the body is changing all the time. We should think about it instead as a verb "I'm cancering". The trick would be to pick up on early signs of when a person started to "cancer" and then nip it in the bud."
This is a good reflection of how I feel about cancer now, it is all a matter of cell growth over time. Cancer cannot seem to be diagnosed at one point it needs to be observed over time.
I wonder if my cancering time is over . Roll on October and we shall see what things look like now.

The Ist of Potatoes

The next season in the calendar after the 1st of Aspargus is the 1st of Potatoes. Duncan dug up the first of his Cliff Kidneys as a fathers Day treat. They were very creamy and tasty.

And so time passes but ever so slowly towards the end of the treatment. Next week is my last treatment. The anxiety that it will all go well is mounting, not helped by the apprehension for Market Day. I only have 8 in my year 9 and 10 class, but the diversity of characters mean that it like herding cats - and the day before Market Day some of the boys decide they will polyurethane some boards for cheese and crackers. They will have a lingering smell for a while!
Last week I was at golf and we let a couple of chaps through because I play so slowly. "What are you all wrapped up in a wooly hat for?" said one of them because it was a beautiful day. I'm having chemo. I usually take my wig to put on after golf when we go to have coffee. But this time I hadn't so just had a snood over my head. When I turned from the counter to find a seat I found a whole heap of eyes on me, and a definite hush in the conversation. Trying to work out why I would wear this wooly head covering on such a gorgeous day. Just like I remember staring at the lady in First Light Frozen many months ago. (See Cancerverse 1)

The 1st of Asparagus

It sounds like a new season! this week we have had the first spears of our asparagus.  Can summer be far behind? I have been reading Beach Chic with Kate Moss from the Vogue magazine that Heather sent me for inspiration for the summer. Very skimpy. But today I am fashioning some of my light scarves into headwear as it soon won't be woolly hat season.
Last week I went to Look good Feel better put on by the Cancer society where they give you a makeover and lots of free makeup. It was good to learn how to apply makeip when you have no eyebrows and eyelashes. I still have a few stubborn grey wirey ones left. I didn't buy into the "get them waxed off" . I was late to the morning as I had a class to teach and when I went into the room I was just devastated to see the number of young women there. About 6 of them in their 30's and 40's and 4 of us older ladies - but not that old.
Yesterday I had my 5th chemo. I knew the two ladies who sat next to me. Both of them could not take the treatment they had been given. Rousie's finger and toe nails had turned black and she had black blotches develop on her scalp, so one of her chemicals had to be dropped. Susan who is having 30 weeks of 1 hour a week chemo had ended up being bought to hospital in an ambulance with a fever at week 4 has had her treatment reduced in dosage  - I just hope she doesn't have to do more than 30 weeks! 30 weeks! 18 will be bad enough. It has made me extra vigilant as I would hate to fall at the last hurdle - yes only one more chemo to go now. Patsy, my gun oncology nurse let me down yesterday, and had to have 3 goes to get a line in so bothe my hand are battered and bruised today. But feeling OK, just a little bit unsettled in the tummy.

What day is it today??

Apart from Camille's birthday.
Its 50 days to the end of treatment!! And probably only about 14 of them will be YUK.

So this is an artists impression of my neck lump. You can see that the last scan measured it at 1.5cm and they would like it to be about 1cm. Hopefully this is what the next two treatments will achieve. Then it is likely to be free of lymphoma.

Cancerverse 4

Cancer Cartoons

I'm Mrs Bristlehead
Like a small child's art
With spikes of hair
Just like Bart.

 

I'm Mrs Treacle-legs

Torpid Limbs in toffee shoes

With woozy-woozy knees

Struggling through the ooze

I really shouldn't dignify in verse

Cancer's Brazilian Wax, but in reverse.

Too much information - don't go there

When your nether regions lose their hair.

(No picture supplied)

The Waiting Week and the Lurking Lump

Mind games.
On Monday I had a  CT scan. I thought it was going to be an hour and a half, and that was all the time I had, but it turned out to be an hour and a half drinking the barium meal then half an hour having the scan, so a bit of a panic on then to reschedule around my teaching program which I am having to be very careful not to interfer with too much.
Its a pretty unpleasant experience with some miserable times on the loo to follow, however they do warn you to keep things going so the barium doesn't set in your digestive tract.
My lymphoma lump is still quite big so I am not particularly hopeful when I see Dr Goodman on Thursday, but it may show some improvement.
Sometimes when I run my hands down either side of my throat to check whether it is getting smaller I think I feel a lump on the right hand side as well.
Sometimes I think I can feel lumps under my armpits where I didn't have them before.
Waiting for the unseen to be revealed.

4th one done

Thursday was my fourth chemo treatment, and it was in my right hand so all the nurses could admire the lovely ruby ring that Duncan bought me for our fortieth wedding anniversary. This is taken on the Friday and you can hardly see where Patsy put the line in - she is such a pro! One of the ladies was on her last treatment, so Pat, who had to come for a couple of hours each week (for the foreseeable future) shouted cupcakes for morning tea, which did add to the jollity of this session. Duncan took me up and stayed until the line was in, but as the weather has been so gorgeous he decided to go and play golf after lunch. He has been great, helping with the washing and ironing and vacuuming and every night he clears up the kitchen after dinner. Emptying the dishwasher, getting the rubbish out and continually filling me up with water as well as some wine. In fact I wonder why I didn't have cancer in the first year of our marriage!! I was very thoughtless and asked Olwyn to come and pick me up - Olwyn didn't have such a good time on chemo, so she was at first a bit reluctant, but then she thought she should face the demons. Which was very good as part of my lunch was an orange and a very blunt knife, and as I am not very dextrous with my left hand having lunch was a bit awkward without help. (Thanks to those of you who sent texts - but I couldn't text back with my left hand).
Seem to have come through this one OK, with the usual symptoms but able to manage them quite well by now.